WTF Criterion!?!: Another junegore Rant

It’s been a while since I went on a nice long rant around here. Lucky for you guys EA and Criterion gave me plenty to bitch, whine, be sarcastic, make bad jokes and be cynical about.

This past week EA and Criterion announced that the latest entry in the Burnout series was coming and it was going to be in the form of digital download. At first I was excited and eager to see what Criterion had in store. I mean come on, I am with Criterion like some of those people you see with Capcom or Nintendo. Simply put they are my favorites. I owe some credit to Burnout for my gaming progression as well as this very site. Dating all the way back to Burnout: Revenge, where I was ranked pretty high in the world rank at the time of it being the number one game on Xbox LIVE at the time. Part of the reason these games are so welcomed to fans of the series is just because they are so good. I had all this in my head till I see one of the most horrifying things I have ever seen from Criterion games.

When I seen this screen shot as well the videos posted along with them, the first thing that went through my head was: WHY! Why take a series like Burnout and turn it into something clearly lacking in all the things that makes the series stand out? “Don’t fix what’s not broken.” It would be good advice for Criterion Games to follow. I’m not the type of person that takes a snap judgement on things. I try to give time for a product to develop and wait to see more, but this is different. Not since Arnold Schwarzenegger was cast as Mr. Freeze has there been a more hideous decision made by someone to take something that could be so good and turn it into a steaming pile of shit. If EA or Criterion wanted a Crash mode game, then take the out-dated engine from Paradise and let us crash all day. It would be better than taking something so real and lush and making it a stupid ass cartoon.

I guess you could say I’m biased. I am a huge fan of the series and maybe this game is being made as a casual hold over till the next “real” game. Maybe Criterion and EA decided to try something new. Or maybe they just didn’t care. No matter how you cut it, it’s still a slap in the face of the fans. Yes, I’ve been reading the hands on preview reports that the game is “brilliant” and a “blast to play”, but frankly I really don’t care. Criterion as well as EA are both a Triple A game Developer and publisher. You would think with the XBLA and the PSN both being littered with half assed top down games that they would have made a different choice on the style of the game. It’s funny cause I keep reading all this information on how everything is destructible and the game is all about strategy when crashing your car, similar to pinball. First off, when I play a racing game environmental items are cool being destructible, but then again this isn’t a racing game is it? Secondly, I understand where the pinball aspect comes from, but when I play a Burnout game the only time Pinball should be mentioned is if Zen Studios are doing a Burnout table.

So, come this Fall I’ll still play Burnout: Crash even though I still think it’s an uncalled for dis-regard of the fans. I’ll play it to see if it’s as bad as it looks to be. If I’m wrong I’ll admit it. I still have hopes that maybe all of my whining and bitching are wrong. If they are, I’ll admit to it. I still have faith in Criterion and I don’t think they would do anything to harm their best franchise, but then again we’ve all seen the gameplay.


Author: Eric Baumgardner View all posts by
I operate this site. I also have been gaming for 23 years. I am an Xbox LIVE Ambassador and an Xbox Community Xpert. Need anything find me on Twitter @junegore or email me at